Money has been on my mind today. I went to see the Mother-In-Law by rail and read Tosha Silver’s It’s Not Your Money on the way. I’m already half-way through another money manifesting tome called Lucky Bitch, but don’t feel I’m in the right mindset for it – Tosha’s book is gentler.
Moolah symbolises much in my life. At the root of my difficulties with money is my inability to receive and this translates into being a martyr and trying to do EVERYTHING alone, putting myself last, not taking holidays etc. If money and I can find a way to get along, I am sure lots of other things will fall into place.
Tosha’s theory is that if you hand your money worries to God, he’ll take care of the bills. I like that idea, I really do, but it feels a bit far-fetched. Is God going to pay my mortgage, sort out the car service and keep HMRC sweet on my behalf?
A friend of mine recently asked ‘How well is the money situation going when you’re in control of it?’ Not so well. It’s like that eight-year-old is holding the purse strings and all she wants to do is buy sweets, comics and pretty shoes. What have I got to lose by handing it all over to God? Aside from face, nothing I guess.
I don’t like the word God. It has connotations I am not comfortable with – like vengeance, judgement and hell etc. I tend to use the word universe to describe the unseen force that created all that is, but even that doesn’t feel right. In her book, Tosh calls it Grace, which is Marion’s preferred word and sometimes Shakti. Now, that is a great word. It sounds powerful, exotic and not quite as crazy as God.
Tosha tells me I must start by decluttering my house (I’ve already done a fantastic job on my wardrobe) and then hand my burdens over to Shakti. I also need to say daily prayers like this one: Allow me, Shakti, to always accept the right assistance. I welcome your help in every way and delight in receiving it.
She urges me not to worry if I am in a bad mood and don’t ‘feel’ it, which is good, because the words really stick in my craw. It’s not like a McDonald’s drive through – I won’t get what I order instantly. According to Tosha, I must honour the cosmic clock, which means things will come when Shakti decides the time is right.
As I wrote that, one of my favourite songs came to mind, so if you like a bit of Lloyd Cole, here he is with Patience.