I would rather swear than be still

You can thank my sister for the title of today’s post, which she came up with when I complained that Marion had sent an e-mail inviting us to have a mindful Monday. I was tearing my hair out over pairing a USB microphone with a new iPad Pro at the time.

There is nothing like technology to send me into a spiral of rage. I just want to get things done and hate having to pore over forums populated by geeks who trot out phrases like interface, XLR cables and cardioid, which I then have to look up.

Plus my e-mail kept crashing along with the platform I use to create PR reports and one is due in today. And my iMac decided to play a game of ‘hunt the screenshot’ with me this morning. By the time Marion’s e-mail flew in on the back of a butterfly, I was in a right old huff.

Yesterday, I promised myself that I would put trust and faith in the unknown and ask Shakti to take away my burdens, but as soon as I woke up, I snatched them back because in my mind, she was taking far too long about it. What am I like?!

When I have asked my higher self lately what I am supposed to be learning, the answer is invariably ‘patience.’ Oh yeah, that old chestnut. And breathe.

My self-induced stress is threatening to gobble me up and I can see that present moment awareness would soothe me.

As mindfulness is de rigueur these days, I am sure most of you have tried it. If you haven’t, here’s how you step into the moment. None of this is original by the way, all my ideas are stolen and the best book about present moment awareness is by Eckhart Tolle.

  • Quieten your mind. Stop that thought in its tracks.
  • If thoughts come, let them. Allow them to float past. Be the observer of your thoughts.
  • Take a deep breath.
  • Concentrate on your breathing.
  • Look around you. What do you see?
  • Look closer?
  • What can you smell?
  • Can you feel the wind on your face or your clothes against your skin?
  • Simply pay attention to what is there with you right now.
  • Isn’t it beautiful? (When I really get into the moment, even the grottiest of urban backdrops seems artful).

I did a little experiment earlier. I shouted four-letter words a few times up the stairwell (don’t worry, nobody was in!) and found it rather satisfying. I also stood still, quietened my mind, looked out of the window and sank into the present moment. Don’t get me wrong, the swearing was good, but a little bit of now was better.

I also tried to be present whilst eating my lunch. I savoured every mouthful of my pea and ham soup, but sadly, I cannot say the same for the chocolate cornflake cake that barely touched the sides. I’m not even sure I heard it crunch. I am a terrible mindless eater.

The day is yet young, there is plenty of present to enjoy and lucky old me, I’m off to see Russell Brand give a talk tonight with a fellow traveller from the year long mentoring group. It says on the blurb that the talk might ‘possibly even help you unf*ck yourself’, which would be nice.

And finally, as I was ambling home following my riverside run this morning feeling horribly snarky, I decided to think of one thing I should be grateful for. When I looked up, my husband was walking towards me.  I stole a kiss, told him I loved him and felt a whole lot better, until I started fiddling with USB-C adaptors that is. Grrr. Hiss. F*ck. And relax…


PS You know who is still here, but I thought if I stopped drawing and talking about him, he might go away!


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