Feeling pretty

I’ve been watching a lot of crime on Netflix lately. It’s no wonder I feel rotten after a diet of Dirty John, The Ted Bundy Tapes and Abducted In Plain Sight, but last night I found the perfect antidote in I Feel Pretty.

I was expecting it to be saccharine Hollywood fare, but I absolutely bloody loved it. I laughed out loud, cried and decided that I must urge my daughters to watch it.

It’s a simple premise. A young woman who longs to be pretty and thin, bangs her head, looks in the mirror and believes she has been transformed into a great beauty. In actual fact, nothing has happened, she looks exactly the same, but as she goes about her life believing she is God’s gift, so things start to change. What she thinks in her head is what shows up in real-life. It’s what all these self-help books from The Secret through to The Game Of Life keep banging on about.

I have never felt pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I am ugly either, but the term ‘pretty’ was always for other women; the skinny ones with button noses, creamy skin and big eyes. You know who you are bitches!

I tell my daughters that beauty comes from within, but of course, I never apply this to myself. Tsk.

If I had to choose one role model for my girls who are 12 and 16, it wouldn’t be Meghan Markle, Michelle Obama or JK Rowling, it would be Renee the lead character in I Feel Pretty. In fact, I think it watching this film should be compulsory for every woman over the age of 12.

Please, please, please, if you have even once felt that you are not pretty/good/clever or anything enough, watch this film and I promise you’ll feel heaps better afterwards.

Renee is brilliantly played by actress Amy Schumer. I looked her up this morning and liked her as much as her the film’s character. Here’s one of her quotes that resonated with me:

“I have become a rich and famous person, and I am no happier now than I was when I was waiting tables. That’s the truth. I have more security, and that gives you peace of mind, which is great. There was a time when I didn’t have anyone to borrow a hundred bucks from, and having some money is a luxury, sure. But in terms of actual happiness, it’s all the same. I have friends who are more successful than me, friends who are still struggling, and they’re no happier than each other. To me, that’s a little comforting and a little depressing. Happiness can’t start with external stuff, whether that’s money or success or your body.”

If I knew how to insert clapping hand emojis on WordPress, there’d be a whole row of them right here.

You might be thinking ‘Well hang on a minute. You’ve been moaning on about the lack of money in your life for weeks.’ That’s true, I have, but it’s not about the money. What I crave is security and feeling good enough. I know that money is not going to give me this, hence here I am, working with a spiritual mentor for the next year. That’s not to say I don’t wish to be prosperous, of course I do, who doesn’t?

Talking of my mentor Marion, we chatted earlier today. She assured me that the presence of misery in my life right now, is all perfectly normal. The dark night of the soul is an important part of the spiritual journey. It is a signal to go inward and that is what I have done. Apparently, there will be many more dark nights to come, but next time, it will feel familiar and I will know exactly what to do.

This morning, during one of her meditation tapes, Marion asked ‘What does your soul want you to know?’ A picture of a snail flashed in my mind.  Yet another sign telling me to slow down. The message here was –  the snail makes slow progress, but it leaves a trail for others to follow. Wow, I thought. How clever is that? My higher-self isn’t half bad when I give it the chance to be heard. Perhaps I should do it more often…


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