The morning went according to plan. I woke up early, did my chores and settled down to meditate at 7am. The aromatherapy diffuser was belching out the scent of rosemary, there was a ‘Do not disturb’ sign on the door and I was wrapped in the finest National Trust blanket that money can buy. Perfect. Only it wasn’t.

I couldn’t escape a nagging sense of panic. I took deep breaths and tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away. My spiritual mentor always urges me to invite my feelings in whenever I meditate, but the whole panic vibe seemed to go against everything I was trying to achieve; namely a sense of inner-calm and clarity.

Marion has a habit of sending the right e-mail at the precise moment it’s needed and this morning, some words about stuck feelings fell into my inbox.

She wrote –

  1. Remember that the energy of emotions follows thought, so what practical steps can you take to feel differently?
  2. What thought patterns and beliefs are causing you to feel the way you do?
  3. Have you been denying your true feelings? Can you give yourself permission to feel them fully?

She suggested making a record of my work with the above, including dates and times as I will hopefully see how things have shifted when I look back at it. “Seeing patterns change increases our capacity to trust in the process and worry less about the future. This keeps our frequency in a higher and happier place, which through the Law of Attraction, brings us more things to feel happy about,” she wrote.

Damn the bloody Law of Attraction. I have terrible trouble with ‘blocked’ feelings and would worry about them far less if I didn’t half think that the universe sees it as a sign to chuck more of the same my way. Really, is the universe THAT literal?

Anyway, back to the panic. I am sure it popped up because I told myself I was going to be on fire today. It was my subconscious mind’s way of saying ‘On fire? Are you sure? You couldn’t light a candle right now.’

I have been kind of on fire today, but the panic has not subsided. The good news is, I have a three hour one-to-one with Marion on Thursday in the Surrey wilderness. It’s just the two of us in a remote wooden cabin, the thought of which, makes me feel a bit err…panicky!





  1. Take the time to answer your own question, ‘Who am I’. In the silence of the cabin. Looking to the past?

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