I’m a little bit obsessed with an American guy called Kyle Cease at the moment. I first spotted him on Amazon. He popped up as an author the site’s algorithm thought I might enjoy as he has a book out called The Illusion Of Money.

I soon got a flavour as to what this former stand-up comedian is all about as he has dozens of videos on You Tube and very good they are too.

What resonated with me is Kyle’s theory that you need to tick three boxes when it comes to the thing you do for money. Namely:

1. Is it your highest calling? i.e. Is this the thing your soul is crying out for you to do?

2. Is it good for the person who is receiving it?

3. Does it make the world a better place?

He gives the example of companies that make fizzy drinks. They tick the making money box, but their product is neither good for the consumer or the planet. He believes that eventually, businesses like this will crumble as nobody will want what they offer any more.

I really want to tick these boxes in my work and at the moment it’s safe to say numbers 1 and 3 are distinctly lacking. The trouble is, I am so confused, I no longer know what my highest calling is. I thought it was writing a novel, but right now, I have no urge whatsoever to craft a work of fiction.

I do however, have this niggling desire to write some more comedy material. Earlier this year, I did a weekend course in stand-up comedy and loved every minute of it. It was scary, really bloody scary, but it felt so good when I eventually stood up and performed.

This week I went to the Funny Women finals and watched 10 female stand-ups compete to win mentorship with Jo Brand. They were brilliant, but they were all under the age of 40, eight of them were lesbians and one was bi-sexual. Nothing wrong in any of that, but who is speaking up for the boring old menopausal heterosexual woman? Could that be me?

The thought makes me feel a bit sick with fear. Who am I to think I could stand on stage in front of an audience that size and make them laugh? Then, I remember that I made 20 people laugh in the back room of a pub in Paddington when I did my stand-up course. Were they laughing in sympathy or was I really funny? I’ll never know unless I try.

I have a four-day silent retreat coming up at the end of the month. With nothing to distract me aside from my innermost self, it might be the perfect time to come up with some new material. I’m going to put that out there into the universe and see what happens.