I have completed a whole year of spiritual mentoring and on the surface, things look pretty much the same around here. It is still not safe for me to be alone in the house with a family bag of Doritos, my teenage children hate me and my hallway looks even more like a scene from the TV series Chernobyl.
The awesome garden studio I visioned at the start of 2019 has not appeared, neither has a slimmer and fitter body or a healthier bank balance. To an outsider, it might look as if I have wasted a cool £3,500 on mentoring that’s got me nowhere.
But, and it’s a big BUT, there have been big changes inside. Are they in my head? My heart? My body? I’m not sure, but I feel a whole lot different from within than I did this time last year.
When I began the spiritual mentoring year in January, I wrote that I wanted: “To stop judging myself so harshly. I’d like to start treating myself with kindness and I really want to place my trust in the universe. I also want inner calm and centredness.”
If I were a fuel tank, the gauge would be registering 70% for these things, as opposed to the 0 – 5% I had when I started out. That’s a pretty good result I reckon.
I do treat myself with more kindness, I am a whole lot calmer and I am much better at trusting the universe, although truth be told, I still feel compelled to run around like a loon trying to fix things. It never works. Frankly, I don’t know why I bother.
I also said in my application form, that I wanted to enjoy my work and earn a decent living. I can’t say there have been any improvements with the latter, in fact, my earnings have dipped dramatically and I am bringing in a third less than I was a year ago.
This has caused me no end of anxiety and panic and putting heaps of effort into trying to bring more cash in, hasn’t worked. On the up side, I have started working for a virtual agency called Hoxby and am now part of a PR team. I love it. I don’t have to stress over getting paid or worry that the client is going to call me at stupid O’clock to rant about how they want to be on the front page of Vogue…every month for five years.
I just do the bits I enjoy while other members of the team do the stuff they are best at and it all works like a well oiled machine. I realise that I am very much a team player. I wasn’t built to work alone, to sit in my attic all day staring at a computer screen with only a flatulent terrier for company.
I’ve done a few bits of writing in the wellness arena and have really enjoyed it, plus a smattering of conscious businesses have signed up for my online PR School, so although my career hasn’t quite reached dizzy heights of success, the ship is turning and I like the direction it’s heading.
The book is coming along too. As soon as I finish chapter three, which I am half way through, I will be sending it out to prospective agents.
Life is not perfect, it never will be, but thanks to working with Marion this past 12 months, I feel I have all the tools I need to be able to cope with just about anything. I still have moments where I wonder if all this God, universe, grace stuff is wishful woo woo, but I can’t discount my big love bomb experience back in October. I’ve felt the thing that spiritual teachers, writers, speakers etc all talk about and there is no going back from that.
So was it worth it? Hell yes. I’d do it all over again if I could. And of course, I will continue to work with Marion. I’ve already signed up for her guided silent retreats in February, April and July.
Come to think of it, my love of silence has probably been my biggest and best discovery. I’ve gone from a person who never stops talking and couldn’t bear a second of down time, to someone who loves the idea of chilling in the middle of nowhere without wi-fi for days on end. I was always that person of course, only I didn’t know it.
I’m not sure yet if I will continue with this blog, although I am certain that by this time next year, I will feel different again. The growth never stops. There is no final destination. I have not arrived. There’s still a way to go and the good news is, I am enjoying the ride more than ever.
And finally, thanks so much for joining me and reading about my spiritual adventures. If I don’t post before then, have a wonderful Christmas and here’s to a magical 2020.